March 29, 2012
I have had to pick up one of my kids from school this week, I think the sadness of loosing two little kids that we have all been dreaming about for the last 6 months, was making her feel physically sick. The kids are heartbroken, and I wonder for them how easy it is to deal with. As adults we discuss this all the time, so I know for kids it must be harder to process.
Grief hits you at strange times too, I was talking about the boys with a good friend who took me out for coffee all morning and was ok, but as soon as I mentioned it to one of the kids teachers I burst out crying. Slightly embarrassing!
There are those who possibly wonder why this is so hard....we only spent a week with them, they are not biological, and we haven't seen them for 5 months. Having children in general is an idea, or dream that grows in your heart, not just your belly. The journey itself to adoption is just like a pregnancy, but in some ways having done both, adoption is a very emotional journey because you meet the child and then have all this time in the middle to plan and dream for that particular child, knowing you are at the mercy of 'the process'.
We have been so grateful for all the love and support we have had, but it is really sad to really believe they are gone. Transitioning in our minds from being their parents (having just named them for court) to, we will never see them again or know what their future will be. Going from, we would have been seeing them in a few weeks to never seeing them is so hard to wrap your mind and heart around.
I know we will get there xx